爵爷的阴招（E文）
英国《卫报》上的一段文章，英式搞笑的。原作者Simon Hattenstone。贴来消遣一下！
文章看着不很难，但在下文笔太烂。若有朋友能翻译得流畅有趣，在下愿以500TB做小小彩头。
Fergie's Mind Games
"Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, you are feelin drowsy, you have lost your grip. Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, you have lost the will to succeed, the will to live." Move over, Derren Brown. Sir Alex Ferguson is back, and he's bigger, better and more Beelzebubish than ever.
To see him on Sunday, you would have thought he had already won the Premiership. Far from it - of course, Chelsea are still likely to hold on to the title, and as our own Richard Williams said, "it would now take an act of God" to stop them. Or perhaps the (Red) Devil. Step into the breach, Sir Alex.
How he's revelling in his role as tormentor in chief. I get the impression that he would be happier driving Jose Mourinho to a nervous breakdown and finishing a point behind Chelsea then he would be reclaiming the Premiership crown from a sane Special One.
His performance recently has been superb. Day by day he turns the screw that little bit tighter, every word brilliantly crafted to destabilise his rival at Stamford Bridge.
A couple of weeks ago, he announced that he had not given up. Then he said that if United won at Bolton all bets were on. Then, if United beat Arsenal, they would virtually be favourites. The way he's talking, you would think it was Chelsea with the seven-point deficit. And his genius is such that it seems as if Mourinho is starting to believe him. Even after Chelsea's admirable 10-man comeback against West Ham, Mourinho looked broken.
Fergie has the ability to make anybody think that black is white, to talk the most balanced individual into a psychiatric unit. Has there ever been a football manager who has driven so many rivals to the edge of madness, and delighted in it so? How the American military would treasure him. They could get save themselves billions of dollars, get rid of the whole psyops department, and replace it with Sir Alex. Who needs megawatt rock music to coax General Noriega out of his shell when you could send Fergie in to do the business? He would have quietly told the Panamanian dictator that a week is a long time in siege politics and that he doubted whether he had the mental strength to stay the course, and the general would have been waving the white flag before you could say "Operation Just Cause".
As for Guantanamo Bay - orange body suits, Koran abuse and the sexual humiliation of al-Qaida suspects? All unnecessary. Send Fergie in. He would sit there, alternately grinning and snarling - both equally scary - chewing ever louder till the prisoners cracked up with tinnitus. If they were guilty of anything they would confess before you could say "Shock and Awe". Even if they weren't, they would fess up. Fergie is cruel, cunning, twisted, manipulative, dangerous, indestructible. What an asset he could be to the war on terror. The man's wasted in football.
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